A New Generation
by Raging-Rambo-2006
Summary: Sequel to A Tale Of Two Suitors: Two years after leaving Red Dwarf, Rimmer returns with his new family...mainly his wife Rowan and their two children. How will Lister, Cat and Kryten cope with the two toddlers running riot? Read and Review please x
1. Chapter 1

"Monkey boy! Monkey boy! Wake up!"  
Lister groaned and rolled over, pulling his thin blanket over his head.  
Cat growled angrilly and went over to Lister's locker, noisily rummaing through the contents.  
He smirked evilly as he found what he was looking for: an air horn.  
His evil smirk soon melted however and was replaced by a warm smile, there were some fantastic memories behind it.

_*FLASHBACK*_

Rowan and Cat stood quietly around Lister and Rimmer's bunks.  
Rowan was the latest edition to the crew, they'd rescued her from her ship after it crashed. She'd only been with them a few short days but already she was proving that she could handle herself in any situation.  
Rimmer and Lister were both still asleep in their bunks and Rowan and Cat were restless.  
"Three, two, one." Whispered Rowan before pressing the button, causing a loud wail to fill the cabin.  
Rimmer sat bolt upright banging his head on Lister's bunk, while Lister rolled over screaming and fell from his bunk, landing with an unceremonious bump on the hard floor.  
"Morning fellas!" Smiled Rowan innocently.  
Rimmer deathglared her, his nostrils falring angrilly as he rubbed his ears, trying to rid himself of the awful ringing that filled them.  
"Sorry to disturb your beauty sleep your flared nostrillness!" Laughed Rowan giving Rimmer a sweeping bow. "Me and Cat were wondering what was happening today."  
Lister dragged himself uup off the floor and grabbed the air horn from her, throwing it across the room.  
"Don't you know any other way to wake people up other than to be a noisy little smegger?"

_*FLASHBACK ENDS*_

Cat sighed deeply and walked over to Lister's bunk, he stopped and sat on Rimmer and Rowan's old bunk for a moment, looking at one of the photo's that were pinned on the wall.  
It was a photo of Rimmer's birthday from two years ago and showed the entire crew.  
"I wish you guys would come back." He murmered. "We miss you."  
Suddenly Kryten bustled into the sleeping quarters startling Cat.  
"Oh Sir, I have wonderful news."  
"What is it?" Asked Cat.  
"I've just seen Star Bug on the horizon, Mr Rimmer and Miss Rowan are back!"  
Cat's face lit up like a christmas tree, he accidentally activated the airhorn.  
Lister sat bolt upright banging his head on the cieling.  
"OW SMEG!" He yelled in his strong Liverpool accent. "Rowan I swear..."  
When he finally looked around he saw Cat holding the offending item.  
"Hi buddy!" Smiled Cat innocently, flashing a toothy smile.  
"One of these days I am gonna destroy that smegging air horn!"  
Cat quickly hid the airhorn behind his back.  
"I'm glad you're awake Sir, I was just telling the Cat, I've seen Star Bug approaching Mr Rimmer and Miss Rowan are on their way back."  
Lister soon forgot his anger as a huge smile crossed his face.  
"That's brilliant, we'll finally get to meet their son or daughter or whatever they had...and I can finally have a go at him for not contacting us for two smegging years!"  
"I can show Rowan my booties collection, I worked damned hard knitting them all!" Laughed Cat.  
"Oh more laundry and all those cute little baby outfits, absolute bliss!" Squeeled Kryten.  
"Well come on then what are we waiting for?" Smiled Lister as he started getting dressed.

A large green vessel that resembled an insect broke the quiet tranquility of space as it zoomed towards its destination.  
Arnold Judas Rimmer sat in the pilots seat checking the readouts, removing his blue pilots jacket he threw it into the co-pilots seat and continued to steer Star Bug towards its destination.  
It had been nearly two years since he had left Red Dwarf and he was looking forward to seeing his old crew mates again, however this time he wasn't returning to Red Dwarf alone.  
When he had orginally left it had just been him and his new wife Rowan who was pregnant with his child, well children would be the more correct term.  
They hadn't found out until Rowan actually gave birth that she was expecting twins, which came as a huge shock to both of them.  
A pair of hands slowly slid round his neck and over his shoulders followed by an affectionate nuzzle to his left cheek.  
Rimmer smiled and turned round, staring into a pair of sapphire blue eyes.  
"I thought those two would never fall asleep. AJ was no problem, asleep as soon as he hit the pillow...just like his dad, but Caz, she's a completely different story!" Said an exasperated Rowan as she rested her head against his.  
"Yeah well she takes after her mother." He smiled kissing her.  
"Still can't believe its been two years since was saw Lister and the others." Said Rowan.  
Rimmer nodded as Rowan sat in the co-pilots seat next to him. "Should be fun seeing them again."  
Rowan smiled. "Yeah I'm sure he's going to love having two hyperactive one year olds running riot and driving him mental."  
Rimmer smiled and looked at her. Rowan had barely changed from the first day he had met her, she still had the same long chocolate brown hair, the same sapphire blue eyes. The only difference now was that she was older, wiser and the mother to the children he never thought he'd have. Still he wouldn't change a thing, he loved her and the twins more than anything in the whole universe.  
Rimmer's gaze turned back to the stars, a smile crossed his face as the familiar shape of a large red JMC mining ship loomed into view.  
"There she is."


	2. Chapter 2

Star Bug landed in one of the main docking bays and Rimmer emerged looking around rather disappointed.  
"Well that's just smegging brilliant, obviously no one's missed us."  
"What do you mean?"  
"No one here to meet us."  
Rowan frowned as she followed, she had Caz in her arms.  
"Well isn't Uncle Lister charming?" She smiled, earning her a giggle and a cuddle.  
"Looks like your mummy's going to have to throttle him later."  
Rimmer laughed and took his daughter from Rowan, earning him a cuddle.  
"Yes well lets hope she does hey princess?" He smirked with an over eggagerated nod.  
Caz let out a high pitched giggle, clinging on to Rimmer's jacket as she mimicked him.

Suddenly a loud wooshing sound filled the air as a small boy flew out of Star Bugs cockpit and landed unceremoniosly in a giggling heap among a pile of empty crates.  
Rimmer rolled his eyes, handing Caz back to Rowan he walked over and stood looking down at the young boy with his hands on his hips.  
"Arnold Robert Rimmer, you are in big trouble miladdo!"  
AJ, as Rimmer and Rowan had nicknamed him simply looked up at his father and grinned.  
Rimmer shook his head and laughed, he picked his son up and dusted him off.  
"Hey you're back!" Yelled a familiar voice.  
"Lister!" Laughed Rowan as he ran up to her, his dreadlocks flying out behind him.  
"Oh you had a little girl." He smiled noticing Caz. "Hello gorgeous."  
Caz looked at Lister with wide frightened eyes before letting out a high pitch scream and crying, burying her head into Rowan's shouler.  
Lister backed away slightly. "Okay I wasn't expecting that."  
"Lister you goit!" Yelled Rimmer as he approached.  
Lister smiled. "Rimmer you smeg head!"  
Lister's eyes widened in shock and he did a double take as he noticed the little boy in Rimmer's arms.  
"You had twins?"  
Rowan smirked and nodded. "Oh yeah, didn't find out till they were born either."  
Lister laughed as he looked at AJ, who simply stared back and flared his nostrils.  
"Smegging hell Rimmer, talk about having a miniture version of yourself.

He wasn't wrong, AJ had the same unruly brown hair and dark brown eyes as his father, he had even perfected the art of flaring his nostrils.  
Rimmer smiled. "Yeah well I wouldn't have him any other way."  
Rowan laughed. "You should've seen his face when AJ was born, he thought he was just going to end up with just a daughter and then low and behold out pops AJ two minutes later."  
"AJ?" Questioned Lister, raising an eyebrow before finally twigging what the initials meant.  
"Oh I see Arnold Junior."  
Rimmer nodded. "How could he not be? He my double."  
As they walked back to the sleeping quarters, Lister's tone grew more serious.  
"I thought you guys were going to stay in contact, we didn't hear a thing."  
Rowan looked at him guiltily.  
"Yeah sorry Listy that was kind of my fault, I became pretty ill after the kids were born. We did try sending a post pod out to you with photos of AJ and Caz but I'm guessing it never arrived."  
Lister's seriousness soon subsided.  
"No we never recieved one. You're okay now though right?"  
Rowan nodded. "Oh yeah, I'm fine now. Just been told never to fight Gelf's again while pregnant. I can quite confidently say that won't be happening again in a hurry."

They entered the sleeping quarters where Cat and Kryten were waiting.  
"Hey toilet brush head you're back...HOLY SMEG!"  
Rimmer raised an eyebrow at the look of shock on Cat's face and then turned his gaze to AJ who was giggling uncontrolably and reaching his arms out to Cat.  
"Did you clone yourself or something?" Asked Cat as he approached and squatted so he was level with AJ.  
"Cat!" Laughed AJ.  
"He knows me!" Laughed Cat.  
Kryten who had remained silent fantasising about all the extra clothes he would have to wash finally spoke as he saw AJ wiggling in Rimmer's arms trying to get to Cat.  
"Mr Rimmer, Miss Rowan so good to hav you back and what adorable children, they're bright as buttons and talking already?"  
Rowan smirked. "Yeah we can't shut AJ up once he starts, but Caz is still a little shy." She laughed as she saw AJ growing frustrated with himself as his attempts at pulling Cat's shiny gold jacket continued to fail. "Do you want to hold him?"  
"Oh this is going to be good." Laughed Lister.  
Cat was more than willing when Rimmer placed the youngster in his arms.  
"Hi buddy!" Smiled Cat.  
"Hi bubby!" Mimicked AJ with a cute smile.  
"Oh that is just too smegging cute." Laughed Lister as he once again turned to Caz. "How about you sweetie, do you wanna come and give Uncle Listy a cuddle?"  
Caz looked at him with confused blue eyes, her lip curled and she flared her nostrils making Rimmer laugh as Lister awkwardly took her from her mother.  
"Hello Caz." He smiled. However nothing could've prepared him for the toddlers reaction.  
Caz screwed her face up then vomited all over his face and down his overalls.  
Rowan laughed uncontrollably and took her daughter back.  
Kryten looked at Lister with utter delight, knowing full well that the soiled overalls now needed washing.  
"Ah." He said as he approached and examined the brown overalls which were now covered in vomit.  
"Shall I wash those for you Sir."  
Lister sighed and rolled his eyes looking at Caz, this was going to take some getting used to.


	3. Chapter 3

Lister wa snoring loudly on his bunk when he was rudely prodded in his stomach by two pairs of small hands.  
With a grunt he rolled over and pulled the covers over his head and resumed snoring.  
Caz and AJ looked at eachother and giggled as they climbed over him and sat looking at him.  
"Unca Lista?" Asked AJ poking Lister in the nose and giggling as Lister slapped himself round the face.  
Caz giggled and started slapping Lister's cheek until he finally opened his eyes.  
"Don't you two ever sleep?" Moaned Lister with a tired smile as he sat up.  
He had to admit they were cute kids. AJ was Rimmer's double and Caz was Rowan's double but they both seemed to have adopted their father's dess sense...for now anyway.  
They were both dressed in identical black boots, red trousers and red shirts.  
He sat up and looked around the sleeping quarters, Rowan was nowhere to be seen and Rimmer was stood next to the bunk with a smirk on his face.  
"Morning Uncle Listy!" He laughed as Caz crawled over to him and threw her arms round his neck.  
"Morning Daddy!" Said Lister drowsily as he swung his legs over the edge of the bunk. "I must admit, it's a better wake up call than that smegging airhorn."  
Rimmer laughed and put Caz down, letting her crawl around the room. "Yeah well, get used to it Lister, because Caz and AJ want to have some fun with Uncle Listy don't you kids?"  
Caz and AJ nodded and smiled turning their gaze towards him.  
The sleeping quarters door opened and in walked Rowan and Cat.  
"Unca Cat!" Squeeled Caz crawling over to him and hugging his ankles.  
"Oh yeah charming, straight to Uncle Cat, don't mind me I'll just go and sulk in the corner." Said Rowan in a huff.  
"Mummy!" Yelled Caz following her and pulling herself up to stand infront of her.  
"Oh yeah now you want me!" She laughed as she pulled the toddler up and kissed her cheek giving her a cuddle.  
Cat just smiled. "Hey kids, look what Uncle Cat made for you!"  
He produced a two pairs of gold sequined booties from his jacket pocket with a proud smile on his face.  
Caz looked up from Rowan's lap, she flared her nostrils and curled her lip in disgust, even AJ looked absolutely disgusted.  
"I don't think so Cat." Said Rimmer unable to keep the smile from his face as he looked at his son and daughters faces.  
Cat looked at Rowan. "Come on Rowan, you don't seriously want them taking after their father in the fashion department do you? He's so unfashionable he couldn't even get on the cover of minger monthly.  
Rowan's eyes narrowed dangerously. "May I remind you that's my husband you're talking about."  
Rowan wasn't someone you got on the wrong side of, especially where family and friends were concerned. She was extremely protective of Rimmer and the kids and anything said against them that she didn't like was likely to result in an unpleasant confrontation.  
Cat thought better of taking the matter further, instead he smiled and backed out of the sleeping quarters very slowly.  
"Goit!" Snapped AJ, folding his arms.  
Rimmer, Rowan and Lister just laughed, AJ certainly was his fathers son.

Kryten was busying himself in the laundry room.  
He was quite happily washing the kids clothes and admiring them as he folded them.  
"Oh these are just took cute." He squeeled as he picked up one of AJ's pairs of flight boots.  
Quite happily finished with his task he headed back to the sleeping quarters, humming to himself as he walked along the corridors.  
Life had been absolute bliss for him since Rimmer and Rowan returned, all those extra clothes, all the extra washing he had to do because the twins saw fit to keep being sick everytime Lister went near them after eating a curry.  
Entering the sleeping quarters he put the basket down and opened Lister's locker, starting to hang clothes up.  
"Kryten!" Called a voice.  
Kryten spun round and saw AJ sat at the table in Lister's lap quite happily playing with his dreadlocks.  
"Oh Hello Master Rimmer." Smiled Kryten. "Not thrown up on Uncle Lister yet I see."  
"Smeg off Kryten!" Snapped Lister, raising his eyebrows at AJ as the youngster giggled at him and pulled on one of his locks.  
Rimmer was laid on his bunk with Caz sat on his chest giggling and clapping at him as he impersonated his crewmates, while Rowan was sat sorting through some photographs of the twins.  
"Okay then, who's this?" Asked Rimmer as he put on a Liverpool accent. "Oh for God's sake Caz you've done it again!"  
Caz squeeled hysterically and pointed at Lister.  
"Yeah it's Uncle Lister." Smiled Rimmer as Rowan looked up and laughed. "Daddy's girl." She muttered.  
"Too right." Laughed Rimmer, keeping his attention on Caz. "You're daddy's little princess aren't you?" He cooed.  
Caz giggled and nodded, throwing herself forward and wrapping her arms round his neck.  
Rowan smiled and shook her head.  
"Okay who's this?" Said Rimmer. "I'm gonna eat you little fishy! I'm gonna eat you little fishy!"  
Caz giggled. "Cat!"  
Lister swilled his chair to face Rimmer, AJ had fallen asleep on him.  
"Someone's out like a light." He smiled.  
Kryten looked at AJ, before turning back to the laundry basket and pulling out a blue patchwork blanket.  
"I to the liberty to make this for you're return."  
Rowan looked up. "Aw Kryten that's adorable, thanks."  
"Well it makes a change from him throwing up allover me." Laughed Lister as he took the blanket from Kryten and wrapped it round AJ.  
Rimmer smirked and looked at Rowan, they'd definetly made the right decision in coming back to Red Dwarf.


	4. Chapter 4

Later that afternoon Cat returned to the sleeping quarters.  
Rimmer was sat on his bunk, Rowan was sat at the table opposite him, Lister was also sat at the table eating a sugarpuff sandwich and Kryten was waiting with a camera.  
"Hey guys, what's happening?" He asked.  
Lister looked up. "Hey just in time man, the twins have just started walking by themselves."  
Cat's eyes widened and he sat on the spare bunk. "Looks like I got myself a front row seat."  
Rowan pulled Caz to her feet and held her steady.  
"Okay go get your daddy." She smiled as she helped her take a couple of shaky steps before letting go and watching her waddle towards Rimmer.  
"You better be getting this Kryten." Said Rimmer as Caz grabbed hold of his knees to steady herself with a proud smile on her face.  
"Don't worry Sir, I'm not going to miss a second."  
AJ went next, he seemed steadier than Caz but his eagerness to run caused him to fall flat on his face.  
"Aw come here you." Smiled Rimmer picking him up. "You need to calm down, you're too much like your mother!"  
Rowan raised an eyebrow as Caz wandered back to her, pulling Caz closer to her, she whispered in the toddlers ear.  
Caz giggled and wandered back to Rimmer. She stood infront of him and gave him an incredulous look.  
"Daddy, you a smeg head!" She giggled.  
Rimmer's eyes widened so fast his eyebrows shot up to his hairline, Kryten, Lister and Cat started laughing uncontrolably.  
"Good girl Caz." Cheered Lister, earning him a cheeky grin from the toddler.  
Rimmer gently placed AJ on the ground and stood over his daughter, looking down at her and folding his arms.  
Caz giggled and mimicked her father's posture.  
"What did you just call me?" He asked, trying to stop himself from smiling.  
Caz giggled and repeated herself. "Daddy you a smeg head!"  
AJ giggled and moved to stand beside his sister, adopting the same pose.  
"Yeah daddy, you a smeg head!"  
Rowan laughed and shook her head. "Uh oh! You kids are in so much trouble."  
Lister, Cat and Kryten looked at eachother, then at Rowan. "What's he going to do?"  
Rowan smirked. "Just keep that camera rolling."  
Rimmer knealt infront of the twins and smirked evilly.  
"You little smeggers have got till ten to run and hide before I come and get you!"  
AJ and Caz squeeled hysterically and ran away round the other side of the table.  
"One...Two...TEN!"  
Rimmer chased after them, grabbing Caz under her arms and pinning her to the ground, causing her to scream and thrash beneath him and he tickled her.  
"I'll teach you to call me a smeg head you cheeky little madam!" He laughed as he continued tickling her, making her giggle and struggle beneath him.  
AJ laughed and jumped on Rimmer's back grabbing him from behind and wrapping his arms round his neck.  
"Oh no help he's got me!" Yelled Rimmer in mock fear as he let AJ wrestle him to the ground.  
"Go on AJ get him!" Cheered Lister.  
AJ jumped on Rimmer's chest as he fell onto his back, while az jumped on his stomach and tried pinning his left arm down.  
Kryten moved to get a better angle of Rimmer being tickled by the twins as Rimmer succumbed to defeat.  
"Okay, okay I give up, I surrender!" He laughed as he sat up.  
The twins exchanged glances and turned to Lister and Cat with a mischievous grin.  
Cat and Lister also exchanged glances before jumping on the table and clinging to eachother as the twins circled them like a pair of sharks stalking their prey.  
They may only have been a year old but they had no sense of mercy whatsoever.

Finally after Rowan and Rimmer had put the twins to bed Lister and Cat came down from the table.  
"You pair of wusses." Laughed Rowan as she and Rimmer re-entered the main sleeping quarters.  
"They're a pair of hyperactive toddlers of course we're terrified!" Said Lister as he jumped up on his bunk.  
Rimmer shrugged and sat at the table, Rowan sat on his lap resting her head on his shoulder.  
"Man I thought I was gonna need a change of underwear buddy!" Said Cat shakily. "They looked like they were gonna kill me!"  
Rowan raised her eyebrows. "Cat they're only a year old, the worst they can do is cuddle or tickle you to death."  
Cat sniggered. "You didn't see the blood thirsty look in their eyes."  
Rowan laughed and shook her head. "Blood thirsty? Cat are you feeling okay?"  
Rimmer sniggered. "He's developed Toddlerphobia already and we've only been back one day!"  
Lister smirked and shook his head as he got comfortable. "Yeah but I heard they get worse as they get older."  
Rowan shrugged. "If they're anything like me when I was that age, going by what Caz's parents told me I was like they're going to be quite a handfull."  
Cat shook his head and got on his bunk.  
"Well as long as they don't keep looking at me like I'm a three course meal I don't mind keeping them entertained."  
Rimmer laughed. "Cat they're toddlers, not zombies!"  
Cat shrugged and closed his eyes. "Yeah well I still don't wanna be clinging to doormouse cheeks for three hours again, do you have any idea how long it's gonna take for Kryten to wash th smell of curry out of my jacket!"  
Lister shot Cat a deathglare, but it was too late, Cat had already fallen asleep.  
"Smeg head." He snapped. "Anyway I'm off to sleep, standing on a table trying to keep out of reach of the twins is tiring."  
Rowan laughed and turned her gaze to Rimmer.  
"Well he's not going to like it when they get older then and they want him to play in the AR suite with them."  
Rimmer smirked. "Yeah well, he's going to have to get used to it. Life on Red Dwarf is never going to be the same again."


	5. Chapter 5

Days soon turned to weeks, weeks to months and months to years, everything seemed to be happening so fast.  
Rowan had been right when she said the twins would be a handfull if they were anything like her. Lister, Cat and Kryten were subjected to every torture possible at the hands of the twins and were lucky to have escaped their experiences with their sanity intact.  
The twins were now three years old and had their own private quarters near the main sleeping quarters their parents lived in, but that didn't stop them heading in there for a morning cuddle before the torturing of Lister, Cat and Kryten commenced.  
Caz was the first one awake, she climbed out of her bunk and opened the door of her quarters.  
Reaching the main sleeping quarters Caz opened the door and looked around.  
Lister was laid on his bunk snoring loudly with one leg hanging over the side and Cat was curled up silently.  
She turned her gaze towards her parents, Rowan was laid next to Rimmer, her back to his front while Rimmer had his arm wrapped round her waist.  
Caz smirked, approaching her parents bunk. She sneaked under the covers and crawled up to lay between Rowan and Rimmer.  
Rimmer felt a small pair of arms pushing his arm from Rowan's waist and opened his eyes, finding a set of sapphire blue eyes staring back at him.  
He smiled and put his arm round her as she rested her head under his chin.  
Unable to feel Rimmer's arm in its usual place round her waist Rowan opened her eyes and looked behind her, a warm smile crossing her face as she saw Caz snuggled up against him.  
She rolled over and snuggled up to her husband and daughter putting her arms round the pair of them and drifting back off to sleep.

AJ wandered down the corridor to his parents sleeping quarters, he was already dressed and ready for the day.  
Entering the main sleeping quarters he walked straight over to where Rowan, Rimmer and Caz were asleep and roughly shook Rimmer's shoudlers.  
"Dad! Dad! Dad! Wake up Dad!" He pestered.  
Rimmer grunted in his sleep and ignored him.  
"Dad!" Whined AJ impatiently.  
Rowan groaned and opened her eyes with a smile as she saw the look of frustration on her sons face.  
"Your son's awake Arn." Said Rowan.  
Rimmer groaned and buried his head further into his pillow. "AJ it's too early go back to bed."  
AJ flared his nostrils angrilly and jumped up on the bunk. "Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad!" He persisted roughly shaking him again.  
"You promised we could get up early today."  
Rimmer groaned and opened his eyes, rubbing his eyes.  
"Okay, I'm up." He said as he sat up and yawned.  
"Yeah!" Yelled AJ excitedly as he jumped off the bunk.  
Rowan propper herself up on her elbows and smiled.  
"I did warn you they get worse with age."  
Rimmer smirked and got dressed.  
"Is madam coming?" He asked looking at Caz.  
Caz didn't respond, she was still asleep.  
"Leave her, she'll join you later." Smiled Rowan pulling her closer for a cuddle.  
Rimmer nodded and kissed her before following an excited AJ out of the sleeping quarters.

Kryten was down in the cargo bay when Rimmer and AJ arrived.  
"Ah Good Morning Mr Rimmer, Master Rimmer, everything is ready.  
Rimmer had promised AJ a father and son day while Rowan and Caz spent some mother and daughter time together. It was all well and good letting the twins play together but they needed space from eachother at least once a week otherwise they'd go mad.  
"One sledge." Said Kryten producing a metal sheet that was big enough to accomodate two adults.  
"The ramp is freshly greased and ready to go Sir."  
Rimmer nodded and smirked at AJ as he positioned himself towards the rear of the makeshift sledge.  
AJ giggled in anticipation and sat between Rimmer's legs, leaning back against his father's chest.  
"Ready?" Asked Rimmer.  
AJ nodded.  
Kryten bent and took hold of the rear of the sledge ad gave it a push, letting go as it started its descent down the cargo bay ramp.  
"Geronimo!" Yelled AJ as they sped down the greasy ramp.  
Rimmer smirked and kept a tight grip round AJ's waist as the slegde left the cargo ramp and spun across the floor to a halt.  
"Again!" Yelled AJ jumping up and pulling Rimmer to his feet.  
Rimmer laughed and picked up the sledge as he followed AJ up the cargo bay steps back to the ramp.  
"Come on Kryten, push us harder this time!" Laughed AJ as Rimmer put the sledge down and the pair sat back down on it.  
Kryten nodded. and put more force behind his shove, sending Rimme and AJ speeding down the cargo ramp.  
However as they reached the bottom the sledge crashed into a pile of crates throwing AJ and Rimmer from it.  
AJ rolled onto his stomach and shakily stood up, looking around for Rimmer.  
"Dad?" He called looking around the cargo bay.  
"Dad where are you?" He yelled starting to panic.  
Finally Rimmer came into view, he was laid on his back with his eyes closed.  
Panic swept through AJ as he ran up to him and grabbed his father's shoudlers.  
"Dad, Dad wake up!" He pleaded.  
Rimmer didn't move.  
"Dad please wake up." Cried AJ shaking him more violently.  
No movement.  
AJ stepped away panicking slightly and looked around.  
"Kryten help, Dad won't wake up!"  
Suddenly AJ was grabbed from behind.  
"Gotcha!" Yelled Rimmer pulling him into a head lock and rubbing his knuckles on his son's head.  
"Argh get off me!" Yelled AJ as he pushed Rimmer onto his back and jumped on his chest.  
Rimmer laughed and sat back up, AJ sliding down onto his lap as he did so.  
"You're a smeg head!" Snapped AJ.  
Rimmer raised an eyebrow and flared his nostrils, causing AJ to laugh.  
"I love you really Dad." Smiled AJ grabbing him round his neck and hugging him.  
Rimmer smiled and held his son tightly against him, muttering the words he always wished his own father had never said.  
"I love you too son."


	6. Chapter 6

Rowan and Caz had breakfast with Cat and Lister before making their way to the officers quarters.  
Caz had wanted Cat and Lister to come with them but Rowan had said that she wanted some quality time alone with her, which was understandable.  
A normal day consisted of Caz and AJ running riot on Red Dwarf, torturing Lister, Cat and Kryten and driving Rowan and Rimmer insane because they were so hard to keep track of, it was nice for them to be split up for a while and just bond with their parents.  
"So ready for your piano lesson?" Smiled Rowan as she went to the bar to get a couple of drinks.  
Caz nodded enthusiastically as Rowan handed her a glass of orange juice.  
Rowan smiled. She'd never had much enthusiasm for piano lessons when she was Caz's age but being forced to take them had given her a new talent to add to her already vast array.  
"So what shall I play?" Asked Caz as Rowan sat beside her. "I don't know any songs at the moment."  
"Well you can always try my technique of playing by ear."  
Caz flared her nostrils angrilly. "I can't play with my ears it will be uncomfy."  
Rowan laughed and hugged her. "No sweetie I mean that you experiment with the keys, memorise the song you want to play and find the right combination of keys."  
"Oh!" Caz blushed and giggled.  
"Let's try a nice easy one, try...erm...Learn To Be Lonely, my song."  
Caz looked confused. "Are you lonely Mummy?"  
Rowan smiled and gently brushed a lock of Caz's long brown hair behind her ear.  
"I was, but then I met your father and we had you and AJ. You two and your father stopped me from being lonely."  
Caz smiled and turned to he piano keys looking them over.  
"I'll show you first, try and watch which keys I play."  
Caz nodded and watched as her mother began to play the song.  
"Wow, you're really good Mummy."  
"In you're own time sweetheart." Smiled Rowan placing her arm round Caz's shoulders.

Down in the cargo bay Rimmer and AJ had moved on to playing hide and seek with Lister and Cat.  
"Ready or not here I come." Yelled AJ as he dashed off round the cargo bay.  
He looked around curiously, scratching the back of his head as he thought.  
"Aha!" He sniggered as he saw Cat's rear end sticking out from behind a pile of boxes.  
"Gotcha!" He gave Cat a swift kick up the rear and giggled as the unsuspecting felix-sapien jumped and yowled.  
"You little smegger!" He retorted rubbing his sore arse. "You have any idea what damage you could've done? My arse is a work of art!"  
AJ just laughed. "Okay Uncle Cat, I believe you thousands won't!"  
Cat's eyes widened. "You may be Rimmer's evil clone but you've got your mothers personality."  
AJ smiled and folded his arms as he walked away to continue searching for Lister and Rimmer.  
"Proud of it!" He said boldly.  
Cat smiled and shook his head as he followed the young toddler.

Caz's fingers moved nimbly over the piano keys as she played her own made up melody.  
Rowan's eyebrows raised, obviously impressed by her daughters imagination.  
"Okay you little madam I'm impressed, I could never do that at your age."  
Caz giggled. "I actually heard it on one of Daddy's classical music disks."  
Rowan smiled. "Well I think you've done very well, how would you like to show everyone tonight?"  
Caz nodded eagerly. "Can I?"  
Rowan nodded and gave her a cuddle.  
"Of course you can, come on lets go find your father and brother."

"Uncle Lister? Dad?"  
AJ continued searching the cargo bay, for the missing participants in their game.  
"Laundry chute nostrils? Gerbil features? Get your arses out here man!" Yelled Cat.  
AJ looked at Cat and raised an eyebrow. "You're a Cat, fetch!"  
Cat spun round and stared at the youngster, he looked like he'd been slapped in the face with one of Lister's socks.  
"Hey buddy, cat's don't do the fetch thing, that's dogs!"  
"Don't call my dad laundry chute nostrils then, hallibut breath!"  
Cat's mouth moved but no sound came out, instead he shook his head and continued looking for Lister and Rimmer.  
"Hey guys, where is everyone?" Came a female voice.  
"Mum!" Yelled AJ running up to her and jumping into her arms.  
"Now then trouble!" She smiled as she kissed him on the cheek and gave him a cuddle.  
"What you doing Uncle Cat?" Asked Caz.  
"Playing hide and seek, we should've known better really, your father has this game down to a fine art!"  
Caz giggled. "Bet I can find him."  
Rowan smirked, she hadn't seen Rimmer all day and the way she saw it she was long overdue a bit of his attention, she had also spotted Lister's dreadlocks poking out from behind one of the piles of cardboard boxes.  
"Hey kids," She said pulling them close. "Over there, third row of boxes on the left you'll find Uncle Lister."  
Caz and AJ looked at eachother and then at Cat before running off in the direction of Lister's hiding place.  
"Keep an eye on them for half an hour will you?"  
Cat smiled warmly and nodded, watching as Rowan walked away.

"GOTCHA!" Yelled AJ jumping on Lister and pushing him flat against the ground.  
"What the..." Gasped Lister, but he was soon overpowered by Caz flinging herself onto his back as well.  
"Oh you little smeggers!" Laughed Lister as he stood up and brushed himself down.  
AJ and Caz giggled. "Yeah well Mum's gone to find Dad so you and Uncle Cat are on child minding duty."  
Lister smirked, no doubt Rowan would find Rimmer in record time and spend some time with him doing things Lister would rather not think about.  
"Come on then kids..." He paused and thought for a moment before having an unusually goo idea that would keep the twins amused while Rimmer and Rowan had some alone time together.  
"Who wants to play pin the eyeballs in the Kryten?"  
"Yeah!" Yelled the twins at once, running off towards the laundry room where Kryten was more than likely quite happily folding sheets and trying to get the rancid smell out of Lister's socks.  
Lister and Cat smirked at one another and followed, Kryten didn't know it yet, but him being a mechanoid was going to make him a valuable asset in keeping the twins amused.


	7. Chapter 7

The almighty screech of the siren tore through Red Dwarf stopping everyone in their tracks.  
"What the smeg is going on?" Yelled Rimmer jumping out of the box he'd been hiding in, startling Rowan.  
"No idea." Yelled Rowan trying to make herself heard above the siren.  
"Rowan, Rimmer, where are ya?"  
"Over here Lister!" Yelled Rowan.  
Lister, Cat, Kryten and the twins came running into view.  
"What's going on?" Asked Caz nervously.  
"It appears that a rogue simulant has been detected onboard. The psi scan indicates that its the same simulants we encountered six years ago."  
"Imposible!" Gasped Rimmer. "Rowan killed them."  
"Not all of them Sir." Said Kryten. "It appears that thses four managed to escape before the ship was blown up."  
Rowan's eyes narrowed. "I always did say revenge was a dish best served hot with a side portion of fresh blood."  
"No way!" Snapped Rimmer. "Remember what happened last time?"  
Rowan spun and faced her husband, the look of anger never once leaving her face. "Yeah I do, but do you remember what happened last time? You nearly died and AJ and Caz nearly ended up not having a father."  
Lister, Cat and Kryten stared at eachother and then at the twins, who were looking very confused by their parents argument.  
"Trying to kill you was one thing, but depraving my children of their father is an entirely different matter. Now I am going to take those bastards out whether you like it or not!"  
Rimmer stood silently, he knew better than to argue with Rowan, he wouldn't win.  
"Okay." He said submissively before turning to the twins.  
"Listen to me, Kryten will take you down to the hold, it's the safest place for you. Stay there until we come for you."  
"Aw Dad can't we come?" Begged AJ.  
"Not a chance, it's too dangerous."  
"Mum?" Whined AJ.  
"Do as your father tells you...and don't even think about asking any of those three!"  
AJ pouted as he looked towards Lister, Cat and Kryten.  
"Sorry kid, your mum and dad are right." Said Lister sympathetically.  
"We never get to go anywhere." Snapped AJ as Kryten led him and Caz towards the hold.  
"Oh Master Rimmer don't engage you bitterness chip, one day when you're all grown up your mother and father will let you chase off those pesky simulants as much as you like."

Entering the docking bay Rimmer and Rowan hid behind Star Bug, while Cat and Lister  
waited behind Blue Midget.  
Rowan flexed her fingers on the handle of her bazookoid, her jaw twitching as she saw the simulants appear in a flash of light.  
"So what's the plan?" Whispered Rimmer, he was shaking slighlty as he cocked his bazookoid.  
"There's only four of them, they shouldn't be too much trouble, at least there aren't any Gelf's this time."  
She looked over to where Lister and Cat were crouched behind Blue Midget and nodded.  
Lister gave her the thumbs up as he jumped out from his hiding place and aimed his bazookoid at the simulants.  
"Okay smeggers, either you get off our ship or we'll take you on a trip to rumble city!"  
The lead simulant, distinctly male by the sound of its deep rumbling laughter stared directly at him.  
"Oh i don't think so you pathetic little human, there's four of us and one of you."  
"Guess again." Snarled Rowan emerging from beind Star Bug, roughly cocking her bazookoid.  
"You!" Snarled the lead simulant. "You destroyed our ship and killed the crew."  
"Yeah and now I'm going to finish the job, only this time I can do it without putting my unborn twins at risk."  
The simulant smirked evilly.  
"Too bad you didn't die, three less stinking humans running around the place."  
Rimmer shook with rage and emerged from behind Star Bug.  
"You're going to regret saying that you bastard!" He snarled, aiming his bazookoid at the group of simulants.

Kryten had left AJ and Caz in the hold ad headed back towards the others.  
AJ paced the hold, he was annoyed that he and his sister had been sent down there to wait while the others had all the fun destroying the simulants, then suddenly an idea hit him.  
"Kryten didn't seal us in, fancy fighting some simulants?"  
Caz's eyes widened with horror.  
"Arnold we can't, dad said we ha to stay here."  
AJ smirked. "What and you always do what dad tells you? Daddy's little girl?"  
Caz flared her nostrils in anger. "Shut up Arnold!"  
"So come on then!" He goaded as he commanded the door to open and ran out.  
"If mum and dad find out we're in serious trouble."  
"Relax sis, we're just going to prove that we can be as brave as they are, what's the worst that could happen?"


	8. Chapter 8

"Bring it on, unless you're scared I'll take you out as quickly as I took out the others."  
The lead simulant growled in the pit of its throat and charged at Rowan.  
"Split them up!" She yelled as she ran away, the simulant following her.  
The second one chased after Rimmer, while the third an fourth went after Lister and Cat.

Kryten returned to the docking bay to find his fellow crew members being chased by simulants.  
"Oh my!" He gasped.  
"Kryten, are the twins safe?" Yelled Rimmer as he scrambled up a set of steps leading to the upper levels of the docking bay.  
"Yes Sir."  
"Did you seal them in?"  
Kryten's jaw dropped open.  
"Whoops."  
Rimmer shook his head angrilly as he fired of several shaky shots at the simulant that was now running up the stairs and along the gangway towards him.  
"You stupid metal git!" He Yelled as he turned and ran. "Grab a bazookoid and start trying to take these smeggers out!"

AJ and Caz heard the sound of bazookoid fire as they neared the docking bay.  
Upon entering they saw Lister and Cat run past at break-neck speed chased by two simulants.  
"Wow cool!" Yelled AJ.  
The two simulants turned to him.  
"Nice work bone head!" Snapped Caz.  
"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Sneered one of the simulants.

An ear piercing cry split the air, recieving Cat's imediate attention.  
"That sounded like Caz." He said worriedly as he noticed that the simulant that had been chasing him was no longer behind him.  
"Hey dormouse cheeks, where are ya?" He yelled as he continued running through the docking bay.  
Lister had gotten into a full blown fist fight with the simulant that had been chasing him, they had now ended up throing punches at eachother while on one of the gangways some twenty feet above the floor.  
"Cat I'm a little busy at the moment!" Yelled Lister as he ducked another punch, but failed to avoid a swift kick to the ribs before being floored.  
"I think the twins are in danger, I can smell Caz and AJ somewhere near Star Bug."  
Lister's eyes widened with fear, if anything happened to them he knew it would tear Rimmer and Rowan apart.  
With renewed strength he jumped up, swiftly avoiding a heavily booted foot stamping on his head.  
He grabbed the simulant and gave its neck a short sharp twist before sending it plumetting to the hard metal floor below.  
"Come on, we gotta warn Rimmer and Rowan!" He yelled as he slid down the metal stair rail to where Cat was waiting.

Rowan had also gotten into a fullblown fist fight with both the simulant that was after her as well as the one that was after Rimmer.  
She and Rimmer were stood back to back as the simulants circled them smiling evilly as they planned how to take them out.  
"Now what?" Asked Rimmer.  
"On three we jump them." Said Rowan through gritted teeth.  
Rimmer gulped but nodded, since meeting Rowan he'd become a hell of a lot braver and now he had a famly to defend his bravery would put even his counterpart Ace to shame.  
"NOW!" Yelled Rowan as she and Rimmer lept forward together and tackled the simulants.  
"Sir, Ma'am look out!"  
A blast from a nearby bazookoid whistled past Rimmer and struck the simulant beneath him square in the chest.  
"Nice work Kryten." Smiled Rimmer as he got up and dusted himself down and turned to help Rowan.  
"Rimmer!" Yelled Lister. "We got trouble, one of the simulants has found the twins!"  
"WHAT!" Yelled Rimmer, his voice went so high it was almost a girly shriek. "How could they? None of the simulants left the docking bay."  
His eyes turned angrilly to Kryten.  
"They weren't seal in the hold, oh no AJ must've noticed that and now they're in danger."  
Kryten looked away unable to meet Rimmer's angry stare.  
"Please Mr Rimmer Sir." He faltered.  
"Rowan, the simulants have got the twins!" Yelled Rimmer angrilly.  
Rowan floored the simulant that was trying to get a grip round her throat to strangle her and stamped her heavily booted foot hard down on its head, shattering it.  
"Oh God no!" She yelled as she approached the others.  
"Well what are we waiting for, explain later."

AJ and Caz sat huddled together near the steps leading up to Star Bug as the last remaining simulant stared malevolently down at them.  
"Now my young friends," It sneered. "Get into the ship."  
Caz was too scared to move and clung to her brother tightly, however AJ was determined to prove his bravery.  
"Make us smeg head!" He said defiantley, pushing his chest out to make himself appear bigger.  
The simulant roughly struck him round the face.  
"Insolent child, get in the ship."  
AJ growled in the pit of his throat and kicked the simulant in the shins.  
"What that was it?" Laughed the simulant, barely even flinching from the blow.  
"Try it again, go on, I dare you."  
AJ took several steps back, ready to run up and give the simulant a good hard thwack in the groin when suddenly Caz screamed out as a blue blur the distinct shape of a human rugby tackled the simulant and sent it flying across the docking bay.  
"AJ, Caz!" Yelled a voice.  
"MUM!" Yelled the twins running into Rowan's waiting arms.  
"Thank God, are you two okay?" Her eyes widened as she saw the red handmark on AJ's left cheek.  
"You bastard, how dare you hit my son!" She yelled.  
"WHAT!" Yelled Rimmer from where he was wrestling with the simulant.  
"Are they okay?" Asked Lister coming to Rowan's side, earning him a grateful cuddle from Caz.  
"Oh Uncle Lister I thought I'd never see any of you again." She sobbed.  
"It's okay sweetheart we've got you." Said Lister soothingly as he looked at Rowan and then at Cat who was stood poised ready to attack with Kryten, their bazookoids trained on the simulant.  
"You just earned yourself a one way ticket to death you bastard!" Snarled Rimmer.  
He jumped off the simulant as Cat and Kryten fired the bazookoids blowing it to oblivion.  
Kryten approached Rimmer and gave a satisfied nod at the smokihng corpse, however he soon shrank back under Rimmer's angry stare.  
Lister and Cat looked at one another, sensing trouble brewing.  
Rowan was about to protest but thought better of it as AJ squirmed from her grasp and approached Rimmer.  
"Dad..." He began to say but he shrank back under his father's harsh stare.  
"You deliberately disobeyed me!" He snarled, his dark eyed gaze burning down on the terrified toddler.  
Tears welled in AJ's eyes, he's never heard his father sound so angry, still he hadn't expected him to be pleased that he had placed himself and his sister in considerable danger.  
"Dad, I'm sorry." Sobbed AJ taking another step forward, trying to reach out and grab Rimmer's hand.  
Rimmer however turned and walked away, leaving AJ stood froaen to the spot, tears streaming freely down his cheeks.  
"Mum, I..."  
Rowan stared at her son with sadness in her sapphire blue eyes, she shook her head and followed Rimmer.  
"Uncle Lister, Uncle Cat please." Begged AJ.  
Lister sighed and shook his head. "Sorry AJ, I'm not getting involved."  
Cat remained silent and simply followed Rimmer, Rowan and Lister.  
AJ sank to his knees and buried his head in his hands, what had he done?  
Caz came to his side and hugged him.  
"Thanks Arnold. I thought you were really brave."  
AJ looked at her and smiled.  
"Come Master Rimmer, Miss Rimmer." Said Kryten gently as AJ got to his feet, he and Caz followed the others. Kryten walked behind them to keep an eye on them, his guilt chip was in overload for not sealing the twins in the hold where they would've been much safer, he needed to do something to ease his guilt and earn Rimmer and Rowan's forgiveness.


	9. Chapter 9

Rimmer entered the officers quarters, his mood hadn't improved.  
"Kryten!" He snapped.  
Kryten approached nervously, Rimmer cut him off before he could speak.  
"Take Caz back to the sleeping quarters, I need to speak with my son alone."  
AJ and Caz looked at eachother nervously as Kryten approached and motioned for Caz to follow him.  
Lister and Cat looked at eachother and silently agreed to walk away.  
Rowan however approached her husband.  
"Arn?" She asked, her sapphire blue eyes met his dark brown ones, the anger that burned in them shook her to her core.  
"Promise me you'll go easy on him he's just a kid."  
Rimmer's expression softened, putting his hands on her shoulders he looked at her reassuringly.  
"I just need to make him see that actions have consequences."  
He kissed her forehead and took her head in his hands, holding her gaze.  
"I promise I won't be too hard on him."  
Rowan nodded and approached AJ squatting infront of him she pulled him close and held him for a moment.  
"Listen to what your father has to say this time, he's only angry because he cares about you." She said softly as she kissed his forehead and walked away.  
AJ watched her leave, tears still streaming down his cheeks.  
"Arnold!" Snapped Rimmer.  
AJ flinched and approached his father, stopping momentarily as his reflection caught his eyes.  
He stared at himself set against the background of the stars, his fathers son, he hated himself for letting him down the way he had.  
He sighed and continued walking towards his father, stopping next to him and looking up fearfully.  
Rimmer drew a deep breath, steadying his nerves before turning to regard his trembling son.  
"Arnold I'm very disappointed in you."  
"Dad I'm sorry." Pleaded AJ.  
"You know how dangerous simulants are and yet you still disobeyed me and to make matters worse, you put Caz in danger."  
AJ trembled as he continued to stare up at his father.  
"I was just trying to prove to everyone that I can be as brave as everyone else on this ship."  
Rimmer flinched and looked away, it tore him apart to think that he could've lost both his children to a group of murderous simulants.  
"We're only brave when we need to be. Arnold." Rimmer's tone softened and he squatted down to AJ's level. "Son being brave doesn't mean you go looking for danger."  
"How come you, mum, Uncle Lister, Uncle Cat and Kryten aren't scared of anything?"  
Rimmer shook his head and gave his son a smile.  
"Arnold I haven't always been as brave as I am now...and besides we were all scared today."  
AJ's eyes widened. "Really?"  
"Yes, we thought we might lose you and your sister."  
AJ smiled. "So even you guys get scared as well."  
Rimmer nodded and looked at his son.  
"Yeah but those simulants were even scareder." Smirked AJ.  
Rimmer laughed and gave his son a hug before picking him up and putting him on his shoulder.  
"Cos nobody messes with the Red Dwarf Posse."  
"Dad," Said AJ.  
"Yeah?"  
"I'm sorry."  
Rimmer smiled and nodded.  
"It's okay son, but next time I tell you to do something, don't disobey me."  
AJ nodded. "Understood."

Rowan paced the sleeping quarters nervously.  
"Chill Rowan, Rimmer's nothing like his father." Said Lister assuringly.  
Rowan stopped pacing and smiled weakly.  
"I know, but I can't believe AJ put himself and Caz in such danger."  
"Kids do stupid things like that."  
"Yeah, come on you probably didn't always do as you were told when you were his age." Said Cat, looking up from his can of tuna.  
Rowan smirked and shrugged. "I might've ended up swiping a bottle of whiskey from Caz's dads drinks cabinet and we drank it and got wasted."  
"There ya go then." Smirked Lister as the image of a young Rowan staggering blind drunk entered his imagination.  
The doors opened and Rimmer entered with AJ on his shoudlers.  
Rowan smiled warmly at the pair of them as Rimmer put their son down and sat on their bunk.  
"Are you okay?" Asked Caz hugging her brother.  
"I'm fine." Replied AJ.  
Lister turned to Rimmer who was now laid back on his bunk with his hands over his face.  
"You okay man?" He asked.  
Rimmer barely nodded and Lister turned to Rowan.  
Rowan nodded and Cat and Lister escorted the twins out of the sleeping quarters.  
"Come on kids, we'll show you how to play pool before you go to bed."  
Rowan got up and went to sit on the bunk next to where Rimmer lay.  
"Are you okay?" She asked as she leaned over him.  
Rimmer moved his arms from his face, his eyes were red from fighting back tears of anger and hurt at the prospect of what could've happened had they not found the twins before the simulants had managed to do something worse than kidnap them.  
He stared up into Rowan's eyes and gave her a sad smile as he reached up and gently brushed her hair from her face.  
"I just can't get my head around how close I came to losing Caz and AJ. It scared me to death."  
Rowan gently took his hand in hers. "Yeah I know, it scared me as well."  
"I'm nothing like my father." Said Rimmer sitting up. "If anything would've happened to me he wouldn't have cared less, but if anything happened to either of them I don't know what I'd do."  
"Arn, you're a great father and the kids adore you, why do you feel the need to compare yourself to your father?"  
Rimmer shook his head. "I'm scared of turning out like him."  
Rowan narrowed her eyes and pulled Rimmer's chin up so his eyes met her gaze.  
"You won't turn out like him. You're not your father, you're Arnold Rimmer, my husband and the father to my children and we love you more than anything in this whole smegging universe, remember that."  
Letting go of him she kissed him and left the sleeping quarters.  
Rimmer sighed and bit his bottom lip, Rowan was right. He was nothing like his own father and he never would be.


	10. Chapter 10

"AJ, Caz where are ya?" Yelled Lister as he checked under the covers of Rowan and Rimmer's bunk.  
"Oh smeg where are they?" He muttered fearfully.  
AJ smirked from his hiding place in Lister's clean underwear pile, while Caz struggled not to giggle as she his next to her brother, it was the last place Lister was likely to look for them.  
"Oh come on guys this is stupid, I bet you don't behave this badly for your parents."  
Cat entered the sleeping quarters and spun round on the spot letting out one of his trademark yowls.  
"OW yeah! How am I looking?" He produced a small silver mirror from his suit pocket. "I'm looking good...no actually I'm looking better than good I'm looking HOT!"  
"You haven't seen the twins have you?" Asked Lister.  
"What you lost them again? Man you more stupid than you look!"  
Lister pouted. "I've only lost them once Cat!" He protested. "Besides I wonder why Rimmer didn't ask "Uncle Cat" to babysit."  
Cat snarled, baring his fangs. "Hey I'd make a better babysitter than you buddy!"  
"Prove it." Smirked Lister as he went and sat at the table, putting his hands behind his head and resting his booted feet on the table.  
Cat smirked and started sniffing the air. "I'm gonna get you little kiddies!" He started singing as he continued sniffing towards Lister's clean underwear pile.  
AJ and Caz looked at eachother nervously and then cried out in shock as Cat's arms reached in and grabbed them.  
"Oh look what I found." He smirked cockily.  
Lister blinked in disbelief. "Where were they?"  
"Hiding in your clean underwear pile."  
"My what?"  
AJ and Caz exchanged disgusted glances before fleeing the sleeping quarters.  
"Oh no not again!" Yelled Lister as he took off in pursuit.

"So what's the damage?" Asked Rimmer.  
"Well Sir, none to speak of, the simulants were mainly just looking for revenge, they must've locked onto our black box flight recorder and followed us."  
"Yeah well they won't be coming back." Snarled Rowan flexing her hands into fists.  
It had been two days since the simulants had attacked Red Dwarf and Rimmer was starting to wonder if he'd made the right choice by retunring to Red Dwarf, then almost as if she'd been reading his mind Rowan voiced her concerns.  
"Yeah but I'm starting to wonder if we were right to return so soon with the twins being as young as they are." Earning her what she considered to be a mortified look from Kryten and a rather skeptical one from her husband.  
"Of course you made the right choice coming back Miss Rowan." Gasped Kryten, his voice unit stepping up a decibel to a shriek.  
Rimmer didn't reply, part of him knew Rowan was right. They could've lost the twins to the simulants and he knew that it would've torn him and Rowan apart if anything had happened to them.  
"You think?" Asked Rowan.  
"Miss Rowan can I speak frankly? Mr Lister and Cat were so excited to learn of your return, they'd be devastated if you and Mr Rimmer were to leave again."  
Rowan glanced at Rimmer, who simply looked at her for a moment before turning away.  
"Sir?" Questioned Kryten.  
"Rowan's right." He muttered. "However if we're going to stay here with the twins we need to step up security."  
"Oh I'm so glad you're going to stay!" Squeeled Kryten hugging Rimmer.  
Rimmer pushed him off immediately, looking absolutely mortified, while Rowan struggled to hide the smirk on her face.  
"Sorry Sir, shame mode engaged, I was just so happy you were going to stay, do you have any idea of how happy I've been with all the extra laundry?"  
Rowan laughed. "Yeah Kryten I can hear you dancing around at three in the morning doing the ironing."  
"Oh I must tell Mr Lister and Cat the good news."  
Rowan and Rimmer simply looked at eachother and smirked.

AJ and Caz ran into the officers quarters.  
"Mum, Dad?" Called AJ.  
"Where are they?" Asked Caz looking around.  
"Well they aint here, come on lets look around, it's not our fault Uncle Lister is such a smeg head he can't keep track of us."  
Caz giggled and made her way to the bar.  
"Hey Arnie, check this out!" She called.  
"What is it?" Asked AJ.  
"I dunno." Said Caz pulling the large bottle of whiskey from the shelf and unscrewing the lid. "Smells nasty though."  
AJ took a deep long sniff before raising the bottle to his lips and taking a deep mouthfull.  
"Hmm, not bad, bit hot though." He said handing the bottle back to Caz who did the same.  
"Yuck!" She shrieked.  
AJ laughed and pulled a bottle of vodka out, unscrewing the lid he took a sip.  
"Wow that's strong!" He wheezed as he watched Caz take a mouthful and lick her lips.  
"Hey what's that?" She asked, pointing to a piece of paper folded neatly next to where the vodka bottle had been.  
AJ's brow furrowed as he picked up the paper and unfolded it.  
"Hurricane Redfield, what the smeg is that meant to mean?"  
"It's a recipie sheet you goit!" Laughed Caz, a cheeky smirk spread across her face as she and AJ looked at eachother.


	11. Chapter 11

"Hey kids, who wants to go moonhopping in Star Bug?"  
Lister and Cat nervously turned round and smiled nervously as Rimmer entered the sleeping quarters.  
"Rimmer man, you're back so soon?" Asked Lister shakily.  
Rimmer raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "What's going on?"  
"Nothing man, just playing erm..."  
"Hide and seek with the kids." Interrupted Cat.  
Rimmer's eyes narrowed. "You've lost them haven't you." It wasn't a question.  
Lister and Cat exchanged nervous glances.  
"Hey guys where are the twins?" Asked Rowan entering the sleeping quarters.  
"Lister lost them." Said Rimmer.  
"Very funny Arn, I ain't falling for that again." Laughed Rowan as she looked at Lister and Cat, her smile soon fading however as she saw the guilty looks on their faces.  
"You lost my children!" She bellowed angrilly, struggling in Rimmer's grip as he grabbed her arms to try and hold her back as she made to run forward and punch Lister's lights out.  
"I'm sorry, look they can't have gone too far they'll be here somewhere."  
"Can't have gone too far?" Questioned Cat. "Buddy this ship is five miles long and two miles wide, they could be anywhere!"  
"He's right." Said Rimmer releasing his grip on Rowan as she finally calmed down. "We'd better split up, we'll cover more ground."  
"You better hope and pray we find them Lister otherwise I'll cut you're dreadlocks off and let Rimmer garrotte you with them while I take a rusty breadknife to your love spuds!"

AJ and Caz drunkenly staggered through the ship to the AR suite.  
"Come on lets on the AR machine, we've never been on it before." Slurred AJ.  
Caz giggled and hiccuped as she and AJ fumbled with the AR mchine controls trying to select a game.  
"Hey this looks interesting." Said Caz. "The Rimmer Experience."  
"Maybe it's about us." Laughed AJ as he programmed it in and lowered his visor.  
"Maybe, we'll soon see." Smiled Caz as she lowered her own visor.

Rowan and Rimmer ran into the officers quarters.  
"AJ? Caz?" Called Rimmer looking behind the piano.  
"Where the hell are they?" Said Rowan looking behind the bar.  
"We'll find them. I promise." Said Rimmer approaching from behind, wrapping his arms round her waist and resting his head on her shoulder.  
Rowan sighed and placed her hands over his. "I just can't bare the thought of anything happening to them."  
Rimmer turned his wife to face him and took her chin in his hand. "Hey they'll be fine, they've got your bravery and survival instincts and my ability to find excellent hiding places should the danger prove too much for them."  
Rowan smiled and looked behind the bar again, her brow furrowing as she noticed the empty whiskey bottle.  
"Oh they are in so much trouble when I find them!" She snapped, jumping behind the bar she picked up the discarded whiskey bottle, an empty vodka bottle, an empty tequil bottle and an empty apple juice carton.  
"Oh smeg!" Gasped Rimmer.

AJ and Caz found themselves sat in a makeshift roller coaster car, rolling along some tracks.  
Suddenly the ride stopped and a huge hologramatic projection of their father appeared, however he looked different, mainly the H on his forehead.  
"What's with the H stuck to his face?" Remarked Caz.  
"Hey its Dad!" Yelled AJ. "Hiya Dad!"  
"Welcome to the Rimmer experience. A place of wonder, excitement and...wonder."  
Caz and AJ giggled hysterically.  
"You are about to witness some heroic events which you may well find impossible to attribute to any living person. But then Arnold J Rimmer was a deeply remarkable man."  
"Blah blah blah!" Groaned Caz. "Get on with it Dad!"  
With that the car started moving again and what sounded like carnival music started up and a small Rimmer puppet appeared and started singing.

"If you're in trouble he will save the day  
He's brave and he's fearless come what may  
Without him the mission would go astray  
He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer  
Without him life would be much grimmer  
He's handsome, trim, and no-one slimmer  
He will never need a Zimmer  
He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer  
More reliable than a garden trimmer  
He's never been mistaken for Yul Brynner  
He's not bald, and his head doesn't glimmer.""Master of the wit and the repartee  
His command of space directives is uncanny  
How come he's such a genius? Don't ask me!  
Ask Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer  
He's also a fantastic swimmer  
And if you play your cards right  
Then he just might come round for dinner  
He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer  
No rhymes left now apart from quimmer  
He'd better fade us out before we get to schlimmer  
Fade out you stupid plimmer."

Caz and AJ looked at eachother, they were completely mortified.  
"Oh my God that was scary!" Said Caz removing her visor.  
"I feel sick." Moaned AJ.  
"Come on we better go find Mum and Dad."  
With that the twins left the AR Suite.


	12. Chapter 12

"Caz, AJ, where are ya guys?"  
Lister wandered down the corridor, suddenly stopping as he heard singing.

"If you're in trouble he will save the day  
He's brave and he's fearless come what may  
Without him the mission would go astray  
He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer  
Without him life would be much grimmer  
He's handsome, trim, and no-one slimmer  
He will never need a Zimmer  
He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer  
More reliable than a garden trimmer  
He's never been mistaken for Yul Brynner  
He's not bald, and his head doesn't glimmer.  
Master of the wit and the repartee  
His command of space directives is uncanny  
How come he's such a genius? Don't ask me!  
Ask Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer  
He's also a fantastic swimmer  
And if you play your cards right  
Then he just might come round for dinner  
He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer  
No rhymes left now apart from quimmer  
He'd better fade us out before we get to schlimmer  
Fade out you stupid plimmer!"

Following the sound of the singing Lister's eyes widened with shock as he saw Caz and AJ slumped against the wall giggling and hiccuping.  
"Smegging hell guys what have you been doing?" Asked Lister as he scooped them up, one in each arm.  
"Uncle Lister, why are there two of you, do you have a twin?" Giggled Caz.  
"Oh man you're parents are gonna flip!" Gasped Lister as he smelt the alcohol on their breath as he quickly carried them towards the sleeping quarters.  
"Uncle Lister slow down I feel sick." Groaned AJ, before he suddenly vomited down Lister's overalls.  
"Oh smeg!" Groaned Lister, shaking his head and carrying on towards the sleeping quarters.  
"Quick someone help him before he wets his kegs!" Giggled Caz.  
Lister bit his tongue, he would let Rimmer and Rowan deal with the pair of juvenille drunks in his arms.

Rowan and Rimmer entered the sleeping quarters after hearing from Lister that the twins had been found.  
"Arnold Robert Rimmer, Callista Lousia Rimmer!" Bellowed Rowan's angry voice, making Lister, Cat and Kryten jump round in terror.  
"What the smeg is going on?"  
Cat and Lister looked at eachother nervously then back at Kryten who was sat over where the twins, who were now sober were hunched up on the spare bunk looking guilty.  
"Easy Rowan they're just kids remember?" Said Rimmer calmly, however he soon shut up as she spun round and gave him a look make even Ace discover what shirt tales were for.  
"Sorry." She said without emotion as she squatted infront of the twins.  
"It's ok." Smiled Caz weakly.  
"She wasn't appologising to you." Snapped Rimmer before he knew what he was saying.  
Caz shrank back and huddled against AJ.  
"What the hell were you two playing at? Do you have a deathwish or something?" Asked Rowan struggling to keep her voice steady.  
"They must do." Muttered Lister.  
"No one asked you!" Snarled Rowan. "This is your fault as well Lister, you should've been watching them."  
Lister swallowed hard, he hadn't seen Rowan this angry since before she fell pregnant with the twins.  
"With all due respect Miss Rowan, did you honestly think that Mr Lister was capable of looking after the twins on his own?" Kryten interjected.  
"Whoa, whoa what are you trying to say?" Protested Lister.  
"He's trying to say you couldn't keep your eye on a stationary object bud." Smirked Cat.  
Lister was about to protest further, when he saw Rimmer staring at him like he used to when he wanted to play his guitar while he was trying to study for his astro-navigation exam.  
"Im sorry man." Said Lister feebly.  
Rimmer shook his head and left the sleeping quarters.  
"Oh Rimmer man come on." Called Lister, he looked back and Rowan who simply shook her head, the disappointment was plain to see.  
Kryten approached him. "Maybe you should let Mr Rimmer calm down a bit first."  
"Yeah and keep him away from all dangerous objects that can be used as a weapon against you bud." Chimed in Cat.  
"Sorry Uncle Lister."  
All eyes turned to the twins.  
"S'ok kids." Smiled Lister weakly as he left the sleeping quarters.  
Rowan sighed deeply. "Look you two, if you want to stay here you need to start listening to what we tell you, that means no more drinking until you're at least sixteen."  
AJ and Caz smiled and nodded. "We promise. Sorry Mum"  
Rowan smiled and hugged them. "What the smeg am I going to do with you two?"

Lister managed to track Rimmer down on the observation deck.  
He was stood with his arms folded and his back to him as Lister approached.  
"Look man I'm really sorry, I turned my back for one minute and they took off."  
Rimmer sighed deeply but didn't resond, afraid that if he did he might not be able to stop punching Lister's gerbil face if he did.  
"I know how much them kids mean to ya," Continued Lister. "They mean a lot to me as well you know, I am their uncle and if anything happened to them it'd hurt me as well."  
Rimmer finally turned to regard Lister out of the coner of his eye.  
"Come on man talk to me."  
"What actually happened?" Asked Rimmer calmly.  
Lister smiled, glad that he had calmed down enough to talk to him without wanting to garrotte him.  
"We were playing hide and seek, Cat came in and while we were talking they must've run off."  
Rimmer nodded, shocking Lister as a small smile appeared on his face.  
"I should've known they'd give you the slip first chance they got."  
Lister smirked as Rimmer turned to face him.  
"Yeah well they are yours and Rowan's offspring, they certainly inherited your ability to run like smeg and find good hiding places."  
Rimmer's smile widened and Lister mirrored his expression.  
"Okay I'll make you a deal, keep a closer eye on them in future or I get to smash up your guitar."  
Lister gulped but agreed, it was just the incentive he needed.


	13. Chapter 13

Seven years passed and the twins were still causing haovc on Red Dwarf.  
Caz and AJ might have looked like minture versions of their parents but neither Rimmer or Rowan remembered ever being as mischievous as either of them.  
Rowan sat at the table in the sleeping quarters, a proud smile on her face as she looked through an old photo album of the twins, still unable to believe that they were ten years old and planning their futures, they'd grown up so fast.  
"Ah Miss Rowan." Said Kryten as he entered the sleeping quarters. "Have you seen Mr Lister at all today."  
"Nope, sorry Krytes." She replied not looking up from a picture of Rimmer asleep on his bunk with a baby Caz curled up also asleep on his chest.  
"Ah looking through the old family photo album I see." Said Kryten looking over her shoulder.  
"Yeah, can't believe they're ten already, seems like only yesterday they were running rings around everyone."  
"They still do."  
Rowan laughed and shook her head.  
"Not what I meant." She paused and turned the page looking at another picture from the twins first christmas on Red Dwarf, she laughed at the look on Lister's face as the twins pulled his santa clause beard and attempted to pull his hat over his eyes."  
"What I meant is that sooner or later they're going to grow up and realise there's more to life than running rings around everyone, they're going to want to get out there on their own and live their own lives."  
Kryten nodded as he picked up the dirty laundry basket. "Then maybe its time you had that little chat with them that all parents give their children when they reach a certain age."  
Rowan's eyes wided in horror. "Oh no way, not till they're sixteen and plus, I'm leaving that little chat to Arn."  
Kryten laughed. "No, no Miss Rowan, I meant the other little chat."  
Rowan's brow furrowed in curiosity.  
"You know the, "Now you're growing up you need to decide what you want out of life" speech."  
Rowan shrugged. "Yeah I think they'll be hearing that from both me and Arn at some point." She sighed. "Anyway there's no rush."  
Kryten nodded and left the sleeping quarters, Rowan simply frowned and folded her arms deep in thought.

Caz and AJ were in the drive room with Cat helping him catalogue his beauty products.  
"Hey Uncle Cat could I borrow your hair straighteners sometime?" Asked Caz. "I'm starting to look like my dad!"  
AJ smirked as his sister ran a hand through her long now curling brown hair.  
"Nothing wrong with looking like Dad." Smiled AJ proudly.  
"You sure about that?" Muttered Cat not looking up from cleaning his strip unsightly hair remover.  
AJ's nostrils flared angrilly causing Cat to laugh.  
"No wonder you're parents called you Arnold Junior."  
AJ smiled proudly and mimicked his father's personalised salute.  
"Hey Uncle Cat did mum never tell you? AJ wasn't born he's a genetically engineered clone!" Laughed Caz.  
"Smeg off!" Snapped AJ.  
"Watch your language young man!" Snapped another voice.  
The group spun round as Rimmer entered the drive room.  
"Hiya Dad." Smiled Caz running over to him and jumping into his arms.  
"Daddy's little princess strikes again." Smirked AJ.  
"Shut the smeg up Mummy's little man!" Snapped Caz, sticking her tongue out.  
"Callista!" Snapped Rimmer putting her down and looking at her with raised eyebrows.  
"Sorry Dad," She muttered, trying to hide her cheeky smile.  
"You two both know your mother and I don't favour one over the other."  
"Yeah we know Dad." Smiled AJ. "So are you still taking us moon-hopping tomorrow?"  
Rimmer smirked. "Of course, only if you behave though, no more hiding Lister's extra stong larger and replacing it with your mothers cocktail.  
AJ and Caz looked at eachother and giggled hysterically.  
"We promise." They said in unison, crossing the fingers on their right hands behind their backs so Rimmer couldn't see.

Kryten and Lister were in the medical bay.  
"Sir this is the tenth litre of Rowan's lethal cocktail mixture you've drunk this week!" Fussed Kryten as he removed the thermoneter from Lister's mouth.  
"I still can't believe I keep falling for it." Groaned Lister as he grabbed another bucket and violently vomited.  
"Keep falling for what?" Asked Rowan as she entered the medical bay and started rummaging the cupboards.  
"Anything I can help you with Miss Rowan?" Asked Kryten.  
"Nah it's ok Kryten, just wanted a...ah there you are."  
"Rowan that's a pregnancy test." Said Lister, his eyes widened. "You're not are you?"  
"I bloody hope not!" Snapped Rowan as she left the medical bay. "I ain't putting myself through that again. Ten hours of labour was quite enough plus it felt like I was pushing Red Dwarf out of my..."  
"I think we get the idea Miss Rowan." Shrieked Kryten as Lister vomited again.  
A few moments later Rowan retured and sat on the medical bed next to Lister who had now finished vomiting and was laid back having his forehead dabbed with a wet flannel by Kryten.  
"Well?" Asked Lister.  
Rowan shrugged. "Blue, not pregnant."  
"You sound disappointed Miss Rowan."  
Rowan smiled. "Not really, mean don't get me wrong I love the twins more than anything in this whole universe and I wouldn't change them for the world...but I doubt I could handle anymore kids and neither could Arn, we've already got our hands full with AJ and Caz, they're growing up so fast."  
Lister smiled warmly. "Does he know?"  
Rowan sighed and pulled her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on her knees. "Yeah told him this morning, he seemed pretty distant about it though when I spoke to him so I don't know what he was thinking."  
"What did he say exactly Miss Rowan?" Asked Kryten.  
"Nothing, he just looked at me like I'd grown a second head!"  
"Probably the same as you then, he probably doesn't want anymore kids either."  
Rowan shrugged and jumped off the bed.  
"Better go tell him the good news then."  
Lister and Kryten watched her leave.  
"You know, I think she probably did want another kid." Said Lister.  
"I find it hard to tell with Miss Rowan." Said Kryten as he began clearing everything away.  
"Trust me Kryten, she's good at hiding her true feelings. I've seen her type before, they put on a brave face in public but in private when they think no ones around they let their guard down ad you finally see their true feelings."  
Kryten just shook his head and carried on cleaning up, he would never understand the human mind.


	14. Chapter 14

Rowan walked along one of the corridors looking for Rimmer.  
Suddenly she heard the piano in the officers quarters playing, raising a curious eyebrow she headed in and stood in the doorway and smiled proudly.  
Caz was sat at the piano, her nimble fingers danced over the ivory keys, entertaining her captive audience who were on the sofa facing the piano.  
She looked towards her audience as she finished and smiled as they applauded.  
"Well done sweetheart, you're mother's going to be so proud." Smiled Rimmer as he hugged her.  
"Yes I certainly am." Smiled Rowan, making the trio jump.  
AJ and Caz ran straight to her and hugged her.  
"You should see our duet." Smiled AJ. "Can we show you now?"  
"Tell you what, I'll get Uncle Lister, Uncle Cat and Kryten to clear their schedules for tonight and you can show us all."  
"Really?" They replied in unison.  
"Sure," Rowan kissed them each on the cheek.  
"Now go on and run along I need a word with your father."  
AJ and Caz nodded and left the room, Rowan smiled warmly as she watched them leave before turning to face Rimmer.  
She looked at him calmly as he approached her.  
"Rowan I..." He began but Rowan cut him off.  
"It was negative." She said simply.  
"Ah."  
A sense of relief washed over Rimmer, however it was tinged with a slight disappointment.  
"Still probably for the best." She continued. "I doubt I could handle any more like those two."  
"I'm sorry if I was a bit...freaked out this morning." Said Rimmer softy. "It just came as a shock."  
Rowan nodded and embraced him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Yeah well I shouldn't have sprung it on you like that."  
Rimmer nuzzled her cheek. "I did slightly over react though, you're not too disappointed are you?"  
"No, are you?"  
Rimmer rolled his eyes thoughtfully as Rowan pulled away to see his reaction.  
"No, I'm happy the way things are."  
He pulled Rowan closer once again and kissed her.

Lister finally managed to escape Krytens compulsive fussing, thanks to Cat wandering in half naked complaining that all six of his nipples hurt.  
"Oh hi guys, where you off?" He smiled as he saw the twins approach.  
"Thinking of going down to the swimming pool on S Deck." Said Caz. "Arnold's got this daft idea in his head that he can swim two lengths of the pool faster than me."  
"Yeah I can." Smirked AJ cockily.  
Lister smirked. "Tell you what, why don't I find Cat and see if he fancies a game of water volley ball, might take his mind off his nipples."  
AJ and Caz looked at eachother worriedly then back at Lister, who just smirked.  
"It's nothing bad, its just that all six of them apparently feel like they're on fire."  
"SIX!" Screamed Caz and AJ at once, making Lister jump.  
"He's descended cats, hence the name Cat."  
AJ smirked. "Yeah we already knew that Uncle Lister, we're not all as stupid as you!"  
"Oi you cheeky little smegger!" Snapped Lister.  
"He's only saying what everyone else already knows." Smirked Caz.  
"Right you cheeky little sods." He laughed, he couldn't help it, he could never be mad at the twins...no matter how much they insulted him.  
"Get down to that pool and set it up, I'll go find Cat and we're gonna make you a little bet."  
"If we win you're our personal slave for a week!"  
Lister's jaw dropped so fast it nearly hit the floor.  
"Okay and if me and Cat win you two are our slaves for a week."  
"That'll never happen." Laughed Caz.  
"We'll see." Smirked Lister.

Cat wandered back o sleeping quarters muttering to himself, deciding that a nice long nap would take his mind off his aching chest.  
"One more time Mr Rimmer, where is the Jadestone?"  
Cat cocked his head to one side. "Huh?"  
"One more time, I'm not telling you...On second thoughts though...how about some sex?"  
Cat was both disgusted but intrigued at the same time.  
"If I have sex with you will you tell me where the Jadestone is?"  
"No, I just fancied making love to a beautiful villain before I died."  
Cat pressed his ear to the sleeping quarters door and listened, as far as he could tell there were two people in there, one male, one female.  
"Enough of this flirting!" Yelled the female.  
"In that case, smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!" Came the male voice.  
Cat jumped back as he heard scuffling followed by what sounded like a whip cracking and material being ripped, then finally the clink of metal chains.  
"I'll smoke you a smegging kipper." Said the female voice.  
"Hey what are you doing let me go!"  
"Where is it Ace?" Came the female voice again, this time it sounded sensual and sexy, causing the hairs on the back of Cat's neck to stand on end.  
There was a moan followed by laboured breathing.  
"No...I won't...tell you..."  
"Hang on Ace buddy!" Yelled Cat as he burst through the door, skidding to a halt and covering his eyes moments later.  
Rimmer was chained to the wall wearing nothing more than a grey loincloth and the trademark floppy blonde Ace wig, while Rowan was wearing her new rocks, black fishnet stockings, matching suspender briefs, bra and a black ladies top hat with a black net veil and holding a scray looking black leather whip in her left hand while her right hand was hidden from view inside Rimmer's loincloth.  
"Hi Cat!" She smiled, blushing with embarrasment, Rimmer however was looking the other way and trying so hard not to laugh.  
"Oh man I'm gonna need some serious therapy!" Cat cried as he ran from the room.  
Rowan and Rimmer just looked at eachother and laughed hysterically.

**AN: Yes i used the jadstone from cazflibs fic for my own purpose but it was such a good fic i had to pay tribute to it, even if i did pervert it a little bit! :)**


End file.
